If you read this post previously, scroll down for an “Anita Update,” as as well as an introduction to Anita’s friend, Pegi.
It’s cool to get a nibble on your profile when you’re doing the online dating “thing.”
Unfortunately, as in this case, the joy is often short-lived when you’re a guy.
I hear that it’s often short-lived for women, too, but for different reasons. The report I get is that the women have to deal with slobs, slackers, losers, and deceptively-attractive 15-year-old pictures. Granted, I’ve seen a little of that on my side, but I have not heard reports like this from women, on this particular style of “fun” on their side: spammers and scammers.
Yes, I have heard from women who get romanced and then asked for money, but this is different. Certainly not worse, just different. If someone is going to try to scam me, I prefer them to make it obvious rather than break my heart first.
These people just can’t seem to have enough fun with the online dating sites. I’ve toyed with a couple of them, asking them obviously bogus questions (“Do you agree with me that Barack Obama and John McCain are both way too conservative?”) to not-quite-so-obvious ones designed to test whether they know anything at all about the place they claim to live.
But I’m not always entirely sure what it is they want to accomplish. I have two guesses. Maybe three. All of them involve money. I don’t know if my questions give them a little discomfort that I am onto them, or just what... but if that’s what it is, I do feel sorry for any guy so flattered by their attention that he just gets carried along by it.
Exhibit #1:
Meet “Anita.”
Profession/Occupation: sales girlHeight: 5’4”
Eyes: Brown
Build: About average
Hair Color: Black
Race: Black or African American
Age: 37
I’d actually say her hair is brown, but that’s being kind of picky.
So here we have a very cute, 37-year-old, single Christian black girl, with some college, who lives with her parents, doesn’t smoke, drinks occasionally, has no children, possibly wants children, and whose interests include Cooking, Movies, Music, Dancing, Watching sports, and Wine tasting.
…who lives in Colony, Oklahoma, population 147 (51% female).
I’ve heard of Colony. Never been there, but I’ve heard of it, and I know it is a small town. I didn’t know just exactly how small it was. No offense to Colony, I love small towns… but you would think if someone clever were going to pull the wool over someone else’s eyes, they would do the same quick lookups that I just did.
According to the census chart of median ages, there is approximately one (1) woman her age living in Colony, which has an ethnic makeup something like this:
- White Non-Hispanic (80.3%)
- American Indian (14.3%)
- Hispanic (5.4%)
- Other race (4.8%)
- Two or more races (4.8%)
Let’s read more about her.
Looking for Mr RightWonderful Young woman .. looking for lost rib am a honest loving caring girl looking for the same thing .Well i think life is to short to be alone so i seek a Mr right a man with sens of humor strong and honest to share the rest of my life with.. Well love is the greatest thing in the whole world .. i am looking for love and dont mind to look for him any where ... love is of the heart not distance.. well let see what we can make of this ..
“Wonderful Young woman” … a very healthy self-esteem this girl has, no?
And a “lost rib”… how quaint. Clearly a Bible believing wholesome girl through-and-through. Except for this second pose… that’s kinda confusing. Maybe, just maybe, even a little contradictory. Come to think of it, it was Adam who lost the rib... not Eve... In fact, I’m starting to wonder if there’s not some distinct gender inconsistency going on here. Did you copy this from another site? Do you know the meanings of these individual words?
Besides being unsure of whether you’re a woman, I’m really not too sure about you being 37. Maybe half that. The girl in the picture, I mean. Not really a very lady-like pose.
Here’s the thing, Anita... Love may be of the heart, not distance, but think of the Foghorn Leghorn cartoons, when Foghorn would tear into the dog with a big wooden stick, then let the dog chase him until they got to the “rope limit” sign. Besides, I suspect that you, if you’re a woman at all, are quite a significant distance from here — much further away than Colony, Oklahoma.
Her grammar and punctuation are also a little rough for someone with “some college.”
Oh… and what about her preferences in a match?
About Her MatchThat’s very generous and non-judgmental of her, don’t you think?
Height: 5’0” to 6’0”
Body type: No Preference
Ethnic background: No Preference
Religious affiliation: No Preference
Education level: No Preference
Smoking frequency: No Preference
Drinking frequency: No Preference
Perhaps a little too much so?
So I’m operating way past the fringe of credibility. I figure I owe it to my fellow single guy brothers to eliminate fraud artists from the sites by reporting them… so I bite.
We get to the point of this particular site where you get to select two questions from a list to ask the other person. You have to select both questions at the same time.
My first question:
How often do you go out during the week and what sort of things do you like to do? Dinners? Movies? Drinks? Something else all together? Do you normally go out large groups or with just a few friends?
I barely go out sometimes but i am usually free on weekends.I do allot of cleaning arround the house do the laundry just normal home stuff.I sometimes like to go to the park allot too when the weather is right and i also go to the beach too.I sometimes spend time at the pub listening to music or playing the guitar.I go out to play golf sometimes but i havent in a while.Okay, I don’t know if there are any golf courses near Colony. But that’s a minor detail. I’m quite, quite, quite sure there are no women in Oklahoma — black, white, Native American, or any other girls for that matter — who would ever use the phrase “spend time at the pub listening to music.” Oh, and Colony is approximately 500 miles, a 9 hour drive if you don’t stop, from the nearest “beach.”
My second question:
What are you most grateful for?
I am really grateful to my parents for bringing me into this life.I really cherish them and for being there for me when i needed them.They have being my support ever since i was a little kid and have helped me allot to be able to achieve my dreams.They have thought me so much in life about how to be humble in life.That’s great. It’s good to know that your parents “have being” your support since you were a little kid… most people start out with their parents when they are little kids... and you say they helped you achieve your dreams, which apparently included not finishing college and living with them at 37 years of age...?
After the two questions, you’re allowed to message each other.
I clearly wouldn’t have written something so utterly weak if I thought there were a real woman in Colony… or in Oklahoma… or in the United States, for that matter… on the other end of the line. But hey, I’m curious to see where this person will try to take me.
To: AnitaTrick question, of course. Both of them, really, because I doubt very much there are many “sales girl” opportunities in Colony, no matter what they are… uh… selling.
From: Michael
Subject: Hi
Hi, Anita... so where do you work? And which beach do you like best?
Oh, look! I got a message from Anita. What a pleasant and unexpected surprise.
To: MichaelSheesh, do I really have to even comment on this? Is it even possible for me to comment on this without being superfluous and/or stating the utterly obvious?
From: Anita
Subject: (none)
Hello,
i must confess,your profile has really captured my attention and i will love to share in the joy of your smile,in fact i want to get to know you if you don’t mind. I was about taking off my profile when i came across yours. I miss being in love and after staying away from the love scene for long time due to reasons I will tell you later on as we get to know more about each other, I have finally decided to give love one last shot. I am looking for my soul mate and I will look everywhere in the world for her. I will be glad if we get to know each other and become friends.You never know we could become the next success story on here as good couples.If you like,you can reach me by yahoo messenger or email at (anita-------@yahoo.com) and i will surely reply. And add me to your yahoo messenger and let meet online.
Oh, you want to get to know me, if I don’t mind? Yes, I mind. What… do you think I’m on a dating site for a purpose other than to meet attractive women such as yourself? If you were real, I wouldn’t mind.
Oh, wait... she said “her.”
“I am looking for my soul mate and I will look everywhere in the world for her,” she said.Right.
Do you know that I have never, ever, ever, in an e-mail to a woman — no matter how enamored or not I was of her — stranger or confidante — referred to her as a man? And I don’t think my fingers could even type the sentence, accidentally or on purpose, “
Nope. See, I couldn’t do it.
But I’m on a mission, remember?
I did as she requested. One more message... From my “throwaway” hotmail account, of course. She can spam it all she likes.
From: M. H. J.Yeah, right.
Sent: Friday, September 19, 2008 8:04 PM
To: anita------@yahoo.com
Subject: Hello, Anita
As you requested, I am e-mailing you here... I have lots of questions.
What was it about my profile that you liked?
Are your pictures recent? You're very attractive, but you look very young. Where did you go to school?
I've been to your town... it's a great place... but you didn't tell me which beach you like best.
Hope to hear more soon! :)
— 2008-09-21 10:00 ETA:
I didn’t report “her” (“Anita”) yet, because I wanted to see what she was going to do, say, ask, etc... morbid curiosity, remember? Well, for ahem some reason, she’s gone from the site now, anyway. Guess one of my single bro’s has beat me to the punch on reporting her.
“She” still has my throwaway e-mail address... so I just don’t know what her actual intentions are... never heard back. At least not yet.
Say... what if she’s friends with “mr wang chan” ...?!
I received his e-mail before I started corresponding with “her,” but I wonder if a subsequent e-mail like his might be what springs from this little interaction.
You know, back when I was on Yahoo Personals — there’s a clickable link to “IM” a person after looking at their profile — I used to get popups from “women” who were simply enchanted by my profile, despite the fact that the “who’s viewed me” feature indicated they had not actually looked at my profile. They inevitably would tell me they lived in a specific typicaltown, USA, but were, at that moment, in Myanmar, Ethiopia, Nigeria, etc., visiting a sick parent. Right.
I don’t know where these people are actually sitting when they post these things. Nor do I particularly care. I didn’t correspond with Pegi to such an extent... I just reported her. Oops, I mean, “her.”
Exhibit #2:
Meet “Pegi.”
Once again, we have a profile here, where the word “suspicious” doesn’t even come close to describing the blatant obviousness that the profile is phony. The writing that even I didn’t notice at first is a copyright notice. A stolen photo. Nice job, Pegi.Her interests include Books/reading, Cooking, Music, Dancing, Playing sports, and Wine tasting... a lot like Anita’s, don’t you think?
Profession/Occupation: Sales.Buying and selling of Textiles and Cotton
Income: $200,001 to $250,000
[Yes, Pegi, I am convinced, and I want to be with you. I know many people making up to a quarter of a million dollars in salary a year engaged in “buying and selling of textiles and cotton” and in fact they describe their job using the word “textiles,” which is a word I use every day in ordinary conversation... and I am quite sure that with your money and looks, you need to be on an Internet dating site. Come to think of it, your job description could apply to anyone who sells t-shirts at a carnival. They’re “textiles” and they often are made of cotton or a cotton blend.]
Height: 5’10”
Eyes: Brown
Build: About average
Hair Color: Black
Ethnic background: Native Hawaiian or other Pacific Islander
Her description:
Money cant buy my love
No, Pegi, it generally can’t. In fact, I’m so confident in this that you’re not going to get a chance to try any of my money to see if it has any potential with you.
when it comes to writing introduction letters, but once i get past that, im generally ok. [yes, that sentence fragment was copied verbatim from the profile]
So bear with me. tell, but I will start off with the basics. I am 28 years old, I'm 5'10" tall, I have black hair, and brown eyes [this matches the information above; it may actually be the only consistency in the entire profile], I am the only child to my late parent but I stay in contact with God. [Poor girl, she only had one parent to begin with.]
I have gone through much schooling, so I am well educated. [one does not prove the other, but I digress, LOL]
I have done alot of management, and have many skills which are self-taught(construction, warehouse management, store management, security, and cooking) [but apparently not grammar, punctuation, and spelling].
I love to cook(I was a professional cook for 6 years). I am definately a romantic at heart...I love to take long walks along the beach at night and watch the sunset and look up at the stars. I like candlelit dinners, and treating a guy like a baby(pulling out the chair, opening the door, making sure a guy always gets served first) [I’m sorry, Pegi, but, uh, I don’t really know where to begin explaining the problem with this!], I like cuddling in front of a nice fire [okay, but you have to chop the firewood, I guess], and I like good conversation.
I used to be an angry person(many years ago), but my love of God has turned me into a peaceful woman.
And look — once again — a very flexible girl when it comes to the man of her dreams.
About Her MatchWell, I’m convinced. An attractive, wealthy, peaceful woman, thanks to her love of God (funny... don’t most people credit this the other way around — “God’s love for me?”). A woman with no mother (hence, no mother-in-law) — how bad could it be? And she doesn’t care about my ethnic background, religion, or education, and apparently I can even smoke or drink to my heart’s content!
Height: 5’0” to 6’0”
Body type: No Preference
Ethnic background: No Preference
Religious affiliation: No Preference
Education level: No Preference
Smoking frequency: No Preference
Drinking frequency: No Preference
Pegi, would you like my bank account number or should I just send a money order?
I think I’ll wrap up this topic... It’s interesting, but they are all looking pretty much the same at this point, and unless and until I see a little novelty in their approach, this pretty well covers it!
One more thing, though — ladies: have you see these too?
Incidentally, I’ve used these photos under what I consider “fair use,” documenting their use elsewhere; however, if you are the copyright owner, I will be happy to remove them.
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