Please with Twinkling of an Eye to Protect the Function in Year

We’ve had fun before — specifically, here and here — with unintelligible or nonsensical documentation, clearly written by non-proficient English speakers, and obviously, in some cases, translated a little too literally from whatever the original language might have been.

Naturally, these documents often accompany technology devices — the very devices where we need the most accurate and thorough documentation.

Shopping online for a new USB hub this morning, I was comparing specs on different models, because the prices were so similar that they didn’t provide any good hints relating to the minutia of features and capabilities that might make or break my decision.

Fodder for the blog-mill, is all I can say about this:

The site I was shopping was www.newegg.com. Many of the products have free-form text descriptions of the devices in question. I assumed that they had a staff that wrote these descriptions, but I’m pretty much convinced now that the upstream distributor or manufacturer’s representative populates this information.

I was hoping to find a USB 2.0 hub that was also backwards-compatible with older USB 1.0/1.1 devices. The older devices have a slower link speed, and I honestly wasn’t sure whether all 2.0 hubs had this capability, or not. I also wanted a unit that had an external power supply so that it would pass sufficient power to my downstream devices (like my sweet, sweet Kindle).

Is this one a fit? You tell me.

“Accord with USB 2.0 specification, and downward inclusive USB 1.1/1.0 of the standard specifications Having supported the voltage and electric current in the twinkling of an eye to protect the function in year, the load of the electric current protects and prevents the electricity from stopping causing and damaging.”

As Lisa Simpson said, “I know those words, but that sign makes no sense.”

Hooookay... uh... maybe it does, but if it does, I’m stumped. I’m just not sure at this point.

So I searched for products from the same vendor, to see if maybe they had translated this correctly, by accident, elsewhere.

It turns out they also manufacture a mouse ...

“Mouse 27MHz Radio Frequency Technology Design. 256ID's free from interferency. Auto Power Sving Mode. IBM PC Compatible. Compatible with Windows 98/ME/2000/XP.”

... and a keyboard ...

“Membrane Switch Activation Mechanism Ergonomic design Handy feelings Comfort to fingers 10million key Interface switch life cycle Ready for Windows”

... and I found another hub, with a suspiciously-familiar, but not-quite-the-same description:

“Accord with USB 2.0 specification , and downward inclusive USB 1.1/1.0 of the standard specifications. Support Full speed (480Mbps ) , High speed (12Mbps ) , Low speed (1.5Mbps ) three kinds of speeds. Having supported the voltage and electric current in the twinkling of an eye to protect the function”

It hurts my brain (not to mention violating my conscience) to see and replicate such butchering of punctuation and spacing, but I decided to show it like it is on the site. They expanded it a little to point out the backwards-support of USB 1.0/1.1. In fact, they expanded it a lot, even pointing out to us that we were for sure talking about “three kinds of speeds.”

So both products do something in the twinkling of an eye, to protect something in year, and it’s related to stopping, or possibly not stopping, electricity.

What it seems they’re saying is that it protects itself and the connected devices in the event that one device pulls an excessive amount of power, by shutting off power to that device “in the twinkling of an eye” — or possibly after a year.

Seems to me that a year is slightly longer than the twinkling of an eye.

Incidentally, has your eye ever twinkled? How long did that take? I need to know, because of some stuff I’m doing with my computer.

Having already decided against this particular product, I nevertheless went to the manufacturer’s web site to see if perchance there be a better description. It’s definitely “better”... but not the kind of “better” that I had in mind.

Product Specification:

• Accord with USB 2.0 specification , and downward inclusive USB 1.1/1.0 of the standard specifications.


• Support Full speed (480Mbps ) , High speed (12Mbps ) , Low speed (1.5Mbps ) three kinds of speeds.
  
  PS: It is different to some extent to read the speed of writing because of different computer hardware structure and operating system.
  
  [yes, the site actually says “PS.”]


• Having supported the voltage and electric current in the twinkling of an eye to protect the function in year,the load of the electric current protects and prevents the electricity from stopping causing and damaging.


• Is it insert with and hot to insert and draw the function promptly at the same time to support.
  
  [“Hot to insert!?” Careful, now... this is a family blog. In fact, that entire sentence is having too much fun for its own good. Luckily, the previous bullet point provides “protection.” You wouldn’t want to have a power surge when you insert... especially without protection... in fact, I suddenly think I understand the “twinkling of an eye” bit. Yow.]


• Light small and exquisite help the commercial affair hand-carry while going on business.


• USB concentrator in a four ports can fetch the electricity to use from the computer independently.


• Mini USB concentrator lets you increase the peripheral equipment on the note type computer whenever and wherever possible.


• Can USB join port supply power directly , exempt using the voltage transformer.


• Can another outer DC power transformer of 5V too.


• Use the voltage: 5 volts.


• Power consumptive power: 2.5 amperes.

Systematic demand

• Inclusive operating system: WindowME,2000, XP, Mac OS8.6, 9XX, the edition after Mac OS X 10.1.3.

I guess they set me straight, huh? Huh.

— 2008-09-03 17:30 ETA:

I didn’t even notice this before! Look above. What edition of Mac OS X does it support?! It’s a friggen USB hub! It doesn’t require any drivers! Man, oh man...

— 2008-09-14 09:00 ETA:

I didn’t buy that USB hub, as I mentioned. Instead, and against all better judgment, I bought a Belkin 7 port, lighted, powered hub. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I hooked it up, out of the box, it lit up, and worked... ish. Generally, if you plugged something into it, sort of, sometimes, it would work. But not really, and not usually... some devices would show up, others wouldn't, some things acted like they perhaps weren’t getting power... bizarre deal.

What was I dealing with, here? Drivers? Surely not! Was it incompatible with the motherboard’s USB equipment? Was it incompatible with the 15-foot active repeater off of which I had it daisy-chained?

I plugged it directly into the PC and it seemed to be just as problematic... went through lots of gyrations... didn’t call support, since there would have been no purpose in that at all. I Googled around, figuring that if the box was just a flaky piece of junk, there would be a lot of online chatter about it.

There wasn’t.

But finally spotted something that made sense. Some guy who had one of these was complaining about how he had to unplug it from power when he turned off his laptop because the lights were so bright. Wait — mine doesn’t light up when the USB port is off... hmmm... could the wall-wart be defective? I pulled out the volt-ohm meter to check it, and unplugged the adapter to see what voltage and polarity to expect... and it rattled in my hand. Ah. No point in really checking it, is there?

So I found another adapter with similar voltage and current capability, and another adapter with a compatible plug, cut, strip, twist, solder, tape... verify with VOM... plug into hub... sure enough, the lights on this hub DO light up without the USB connection present.

Wait. Do they light up both ways? Is it the same exact lights?

The ridiculous answer is yes. If you plug this hub into the PC *or* into the wall, it lights up... exactly the same. So there’s zero hint for the user that you have a bad power supply cord.

With this being resolved, I do now have a working USB hub with a very handy footlight (to see where you’re stepping in the dark) — the hub is under my nightstand, concentrating the sync/charge capabilities of my iPod Nano and Sansa e280, and sync of my Kindle and LG Fusic, keeping them across the room on the nightstand rather than cluttering up my PC work area worse than it already is.

Bottom line: Don’t buy Belkin. Of course, if you already have, then you know this is a bad idea. I should have known better. I really should have.

If I hadn’t gotten it working, at least, I guess, I would now have a USB-powered footlight to allow me to see in the dark during power outages (you know, PC being on a UPS and all that).

Creatures of Habit

Don’t laugh — you’ve done it too.

At least I suspect you have. I hope you have. Consider this scenario:

You’re having a power outage.

The electricity is off. You know that the electricity is off.

Your entire house is dark. If it’s daytime, your house is still darker than usual. If it’s nighttime, you’re probably carrying a flashlight.

Of course, the plumbing still works, since you have city water, so you go into the bathroom. Or maybe you’re just walking into the bedroom.

What do you do?

You flip the light switch.

Are you with me?

You absolutely, positively, and without question, are fully aware that the light will not be working.

Yet you flip the switch.

Adding insult to injury (to your ego, that is), you do it again in the same room or a different room, a few minutes later. If you’re in the habit (as I am to a limited extent) of turning lights off when you leave a room, you may do the same thing then, too.

Why?

My best guess: we have a powerful subconscious mind that makes a lot of decisions for us. We do a lot of things quite “automatically,” with limited, or no, conscious effort or thought.

You know it isn’t going to work, but you do it anyway.

We recently remodeled our office. I say “recently,” but it was a year ago or more. During the remodel, one of the hallway light switches was moved, just around the corner, less then two lineal feet from where it was - but on a North wall, rather than a West wall.

So what to I do when I walk into that hallway when there’s nobody in the office and I need the light in order to see before I walk down the hallway? I walk right past the light switch, and reach for the location where the old light switch was.

Even more amusing: the other day, I walked in the back door of the office after hours. Usually, when that happens, the security system lets off a steady “beeeeeeeee...” as its way of saying, “Holmes, turn off the alarm, because the police will be here very shortly, otherwise.”

My habit is to flip the light switch and then enter my code.

So when I walked in, I immediately noticed that the light was already on. So what did I do? Can you guess? Yep, I flipped the switch... turning off the light that I had intended to turn on. Makes perfect sense.

When I go into the M.A.P. Room every morning to fill out my time sheet from the previous day, I go in and open the 2nd drawer from the top, in the middle cabinet. Open it up. They’re right on top. I pull out the pad, look at the calendar, write down the previous day’s date, write down 8 hours, write down what internal job number my time is to be charged to, sign it, and put it in the bin where they’re collected.

Here’s where that particular part gets wierd: If I open the drawer and there’s no timesheet pad, it really gives me pause. I may even have to think for a moment about why I even opened the drawer. When I walk into that room first thing in the morning, I’m on an automated mission. Break down a component of the mission, and your brain revolts!

Mine does.

Please tell me yours does too. Please?

Oh, yeah, two more:

There’s a wall-switch-to-nowhere at my new house. It’s not a switch that I don’t know what it controls — it’s actually a wiring error by the electrician. Or hopefully, by his helper. It’s next to the sink — I mean really close to the sink, but the box was wired for an electrical outlet. It was probably logical for the installer to conclude that this would be the switch to the garbage disposal (since it’s so near the sink, despite the fact that I don’t actually have a garbage disposal.)

But the wires in this box are connected to the light switch as if it were a “switch loop,” — so his mistake, though it should have been caught when (if) they tested all of their work, is almost sensible, because a switch loop has the same colors of wires as you find in a box intended for an electrical outlet, and an outlet wouldn’t normally go so close to a sink... but the two are not compatible. Not even. This became readily apparent a few days ago when I flipped the switch for the first time (and last time, so far), and both the switch and one of the circuit breakers went “kapow!” A dead short circuit, with who knows how many tens or hundreds of amps flowing through it for the briefest of moments, guaranteed to break the ice at parties.

Why did I flip the mystery switch? I wanted to turn on the light over the sink. Never mind that the light over the sink doesn’t have a wall switch — it's a chain hanging over the sink. What gives? My best guess is that the light over the sink usually has a wall switch, right? Subconscious took over, and my brain decided the policy was “for light, flip switch.”

And, the bulb in my ceiling fan in the living room burned out a few days ago. It’s a “Candelabra Base” bulb — tiny little thing, especially for 60 watts, and regular bulbs don’t fit (See Aside #2, below). Since then, I haven’t been to Lowes’s for a replacement, but every time I walk in the door, I’m sure you can guess what I try to do.

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Aside #1: The Time Sheets. I’m salaried, and I don’t get overtime, and no matter what I write down, nothing happens to the amount on my pay stub. So I called the woman whom the time sheets get faxed, then mailed, to. Asked her what they did with my time sheet. “Oh, I just file them,” was her response. Not in a mind-numbed bureaucratic kind of tone, but in a “I doubt you’ll believe this, but here is the odd gyration I go through.”

“How do you track my vacation time and personal leave?”

“From your written vacation requests.”

Ah.

And as far as them doing anything with the “job number” that I charge my time to...? Nope, that doesn’t do anything either, as far as what internal company account gets charged for my time. All of my time goest to “traffic studies,” which is one of my responsibilities. One of my most minor responsibilities.

In all fairness, this isn’t actually ridiculous like it sounds. The documentation of my time serves to back up the classifications of my job description should the regulatory agencies want to review how the company is accounting for its costs. “Traffic Studies” is a term in the telecommunications accounting world that doesn’t really, completely, totally mean... uh... “traffic studies.” It generically means managing the network excluding working on a specific class of network segment, compared to what an outside carrier technician might do, for example. It’s a catch-all, so I just go with it.

Aside #2: Candelabra Base light bulbs. The last two houses in which I’ve lived had new ceiling fans, featuring these nifty (not) Candelabra base bulbs. Being the naturally curious type, I had to figure out why this was... and it’s addressed in a subsequent post.

Big Brother’s Thermostat Guidelines

You probably know that our good buddies in the Government are all about us saving energy.

I’ll tell you now: I’m not the least bit interested in saving energy. There’s more than enough energy, in more than enough forms, to provide for everything we need, plus people in poorer countries, with more to spare... if we could just get the government to get out of the way.

What I am interested in, of course, is saving money. I’ll do quite a bit to accomplish that goal, but I have heating and air conditioning in my house for two reasons: (1) because I can, and (2) because I like it.

The geniuses at EnergyStar, i.e., at the EPA, have developed a set of requirements for a thermostat to be EnergyStar compliant, i.e., “green enough.”

These thermostats come out of the box with a set of default settings that are beyond ridiculous.

On their web site, they say, “Resist the urge to override the pre-programmed settings. Every time you do, you use more energy and may end up paying more on your energy bill.”

Really?! The more my system runs, the more it costs me? No!

Want to see it? Here it is.

Surgeon General’s Warning: Proceed cautiously. You may be overcome by howls of derisive laughter. Do not read while driving or consuming beverages that you do not intend to have coming out of your nose.

Programmable Thermostat Setpoint Times & Temperatures

Setting	Time	Setpoint Temperature (Heat)	Setpoint Temperature (Cool)
Wake	6:00 a.m.	≤ 70° F	≥ 78° F In the summer, I’m generally cold between the time I get out of bed, and the time I get out of the shower, at which time I’m hot... so it doesn’t bother me to have the A/C off. But I push this time earlier... around 4:00 a.m. so I don’t wake up cold. Oh, and let’s not forget, they wanted me to have it at 82° overnight, rather than my actual 68°.
Day	8:00 a.m.	Setback at least 8° F	Setup at least 7° F I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt, that they assume I’m not going to be home today. Otherwise, setting my thermostat to “at least” 85° is out of the question. But still. And in some houses, this isn’t practical, thanks to the seemingly-universal tendency of air conditioning contractors to install a system that’s too small for the house: if you change your unit’s setting any higher at all, it will never recover the house to the temperature you want until well-after the sun goes down.
Evening	6:00 p.m.	≤ 70° F	≥ 78° F Yeah, okay, no. First of all, that has my system not even considering cooling the house down until some time after I get home. And when I get home, the absolute last thing I want is for the house not to be comfortable. My setting? 71°
Sleep	10:00 p.m.	Setback at least 8° F I was really starting to think they weren’t that far off on heat settings... however... the “wake” time needs to be earlier so I can actually get out of bed, rather than reveling in the warmth of the covers... and at night... 62°?! Yep, they’ve lost their ever-loving minds again.	Setup at least 4° F Okay, again, no. Let’s see... that’s 78 + “at least” 4... 82°?!? I don’t know when they go to bed, but I can’t fall asleep when it’s too warm or too humid. Some time around 8:00 p.m., my bedroom window unit is kicked in to 68-70°. Yes, the central switches off around 8:30, primarily to encourage me to stay out of the rest of the house, and gravitate around the bed. If I have friends over, later, the central stays on.

So... to recap... during the morning, I’m with them, except that I turn my window unit back on so I don’t have to get dressed in a humid bedroom. During the day, sure... what do I care? No point in keeping it cool all day when nobody is here. Afternoon and overnight? They’re insane. No amount of money-saving is worth being as miserable as I would be if my house were 7° (during the evening) or 12° or more higher when I’m trying to catch some Z’s.

The air must be very, very thin wherever these guidelines were made up. Oxygen shortage is the only explanation I can come up with.

Believe me when I tell you that I’m not going to give even one moment’s consideration to resisting changing my thermostat. And that little button that defaults it back to the factory settings? Not gonna use that one either.

I can just see some poor sucker sitting around, miserable, cranky, but with a twisted inward contentment because he’s “saving the planet” by making himself miserable. Some people enjoy martyrdom. Not me.

Screw-Base Light Bulbs (and Screw-Ball Government to the “Rescue”)

Light Bulbs. Or, as they say in the Deep Souff (you know, in states like Nawth Calahna?), “Latt Bubs.”

The only thing I dislike more than incandescent lighting is fluorescent lighting.

Really. I don’t like the distortion of colors, true, but what I really don’t like is the flicker. And I’m not talking about the obvious flicker of some malfunctioning lights — I’m talking about the 120 times each second that a fluorescent bulb turns off and on. A lot of people with super-powers inferior to my own (sheesh, I hope you know me... and if you don’t, I hope you’ll trust me that this is an attempt at humor) don’t see this flicker or are not bothered by it... but me, I can see it.

I don’t know if it’s bad for the brain or bad for the eyes, but it seems like it is and given a choice, the flicker-free glow of an incandescent suits my eyes better, although I don’t care all that much for their orange tinge either.

So as I wrote before, my ceiling fans have “candelabra base” light bulbs and sockets.

I was curious why this might be.

Candelabra bulbs are much smaller than standard (“medium base”) bulbs, and so presumably can’t be made with as much wattage as standard bulbs... knowing, as I do, that using a bulb larger than the marked “maximum” on any given fixture is a safety hazard that many, many, many people choose to ignore (almost understandably, because many light fixtures don’t give out sufficient light when used at their rated maximum) and I speculated that this was the manufacturers’ attempts to mediate that risk by making a too-large bulb impossible to install.

Of course, I had limited information, because all-such fans I’ve seen have been Hunter fans, so I didn’t realize this was industry-wide.

I’ll give you a hint. It’s got something to do with misguided legislation (surprise!) and Compact Fluorescent Lamps (surprise, again!).

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I do like Compact Fluorescent Lamps (CFL's) for one reason, and it’s not the reason that I’m “supposed” to like them, which is the fact that they give off “the same amount of light for less energy.”

No. I like them because I can use them to get more light for the same energy and the same or less heat. Heh. In my bahtroom, I have 3 x 42 Watt CFLs in a “dressing room”-style fixture... a total equivalent to 450 watts. Woohoo! You can really see yourself in my bathroom mirror.

Same thing for other areas... why settle for the same light, when you can get more, while staying within the safe range for sockets.

Some might not believe that most conservatives actually do like clean water and air, and believe in being good stewards with natural resources. No, really. Seriously. Where we part ways is the realization that changing light bulbs and unplugging cell-phone chargers isn’t going to make any difference.

Why?

My clothes dryer pulls as much energy as 112 60-watt light bulbs.

My toaster uses as much as 18 bulbs when toasting “four slices.”

My window unit in the bedroom, 11 bulbs.

My central air, around 24 bulbs.

My computer, with all of its accessories powered up and running (excluding the printer, which is in another room) uses the equivalent of 2-1/2 bulbs (~150 watts).

Oh — unplugging your cell phone charger when you’re not charging your cell phone? That saves less energy than any of my tools are actually able to measure.

Most of these things use more than all of the light bulbs in my entire house, even if they were all turned on at the same time — which they seldom are.

Government policies based on “feel-good” principles rather than solid evidence are not good policies. Sure, it’s nice to feel like you care. To feel like you’re “doing your part.” But purchasing light bulbs that include mercury rather than the essentially harmless components in incandescent bulbs — in the interest of saving the planet — doesn’t make a lot of sense.

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But you’ll really want to bring CFLs into your house after you read the United States Environmental Protection Agency’s guidelines for cleaning up a broken CFL bulb:

I am not making this up.

Before Clean-up: Ventilate the Room

• Have people and pets leave the room, and don't let anyone walk through the breakage area on their way out.
• Open a window and leave the room for 15 minutes or more
• Shut off the central forced-air heating/air conditioning system, if you have one.

Clean-Up Steps for Hard Surfaces

• Carefully scoop up glass fragments and powder using stiff paper or cardboard and place them in a glass jar with metal lid (such as a canning jar) or in a sealed plastic bag
• Use sticky tape, such as duct tape, to pick up any remaining small glass fragments and powder.
• Wipe the area clean with damp paper towels or disposable wet wipes and place them in the glass jar or plastic bag
• Do not use a vacuum or broom to clean up the broken bulb on hard surfaces.

Clean-up Steps for Carpeting or Rug:

• Carefully pick up glass fragments and place them in a glass jar with metal lid (such as a canning jar) or in a sealed plastic bag
• Use sticky tape, such as duct tape, to pick up any remaining small glass fragments and powder.
• If vacuuming is needed after all visible materials are removed, vacuum the area where the bulb was broken.
• Remove the vacuum bag (or empty and wipe the canister), and put the bag or vacuum debris in a sealed plastic bag.

Clean-up Steps for Clothing, Bedding, etc.:

• If clothing or bedding materials come in direct contact with broken glass or mercury-containing powder from inside the bulb that may stick to the fabric, the clothing or bedding should be discarded. Do not wash such clothing or bedding because mercury fragments in the clothing may contaminate the machine and/or pollute sewage.
• You can, however, wash clothing or other materials that have been exposed to the mercury vapor from a broken CFL, such as the clothing you happened to be wearing when you cleaned up the broken CFL, as long as that clothing has not come into direct contact with the materials from the broken bulb.
• If shoes come into direct contact with broken glass or mercury-containing powder from the bulb, wipe them off with damp paper towels or disposable wet wipes. Place the towels or wipes in a glass jar or plastic bag for disposal.

Disposal of Clean-up Materials

• Immediately place all cleanup materials outdoors in a trash container or protected area for the next normal trash pickup
• Wash your hands after disposing of the jars or plastic bags containing clean-up materials
• Check with your local or state government about disposal requirements in your specific area. Some states prohibit such trash disposal and require that broken and unbroken mercury-containing bulbs be taken to a local recycling center.
  
  Oops, did you see that? Slipped that one almost right past us. First, they say, put it in the trash. Then, they say, oops, don’t do that if you’re not supposed to, where you live. Fact is, you’re never supposed to put a CFL in the trash. Unless your version of saving the earth includes sending mercury to the landfill, but I digress.

Future Cleaning of Carpeting or Rug: Ventilate the Room During and After Vacuuming

• The next several times you vacuum, shut off the central forced-air heating/air conditioning system and open a window prior to vacuuming.
• Keep the central heating/air conditioning system shut off and the window open for at least 15 minutes after vacuuming is completed.

This is all very, very comforting... not to mention environmentally-friendly... is it not? Actually, I think the contrast between the intentions of those pushing these bulbs, and the real-world implications of their use, is vast — possibly an understatement.

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So that brings me back around to the question about candelabra base bulbs in ceiling fans.

Related to CFL’s? You bet.

The Energy Policy Act of 2005, which became Public Law 109–58—August 8, 2005, and which you can read for yourself, at http://www.epa.gov/oust/fedlaws/publ_109-058.pdf, made this magic happen. It’s a classic example of Washington “helping us” on their terms.

How?

“(A) Ceiling fan light kits with medium screw base sockets manufactured on or after January 1, 2007, shall be packaged with screw-based lamps to fill all screw base sockets.”

Okay... Remember, “medium” screw base means “regular light bulb.” It’s the government meddling in private business. Manufacturers have to ship bulbs with their light kits. Many might object to my objection, saying things like “it encourages consumers to use energy-efficient light bulbs,” or, “It ensures that the decorative glass globes on ceiling fans can accommodate the larger body of some CFL’s,” or even, “Sure, they’re adding a burden to the businesses, but it’s not a very big deal!”

See... it is a big deal.

Every time the government’s nose gets in to private transactions, it’s a big deal. Burdensome regulations like these are a slippery slope. I once — in person, I was there — heard Lena Guerrero, former Texas politician, résumé-padder, and idiot, say that sometimes she would encourage opposing colleagues to vote differently than her on this or that piece of legislation, because it might be good for one of their constituencies, and not good for another. Spineless. If it’s not good overall, it’s not good. A small benefit can’t justify a detriment.

A little bit of government can hurt.

So if a manufacturer sells a ceiling fan light kit with regular bulb sockets, they have to “give” you the bulbs. You still say, “big whoop?” Fine.

“(B) The screw-based lamps required under subparagraph (A) shall—

(i) meet the Energy Star Program Requirements for Compact
Fluorescent Lamps, version 3.0, issued by the Department
of Energy; or

(ii) use light sources other than compact fluorescent lamps
that have lumens per watt performance at least equivalent
to comparably configured compact fluorescent lamps meeting
the Energy Star Program Requirements described in clause (i).”

Ah. Here we go. They have to use light bulbs that fit the energy requirements for CFL's. Let’s see... what kind of light bulbs have the same efficiency as CFL’s...?

I guess the answer would be “CFL’s.”

CFL’s and other not-yet-mature, and currently expensive technologies, like LED lights. I personally like LED lights for their seemingly-pure white light color, and very high color temperature.

But not good ol' incandescent bulbs. You might as well have sex with the devil, you’re so evil.

If I want something, and I can afford it, why does the nanny-state feel the need to tell me that a manufacturer can’t sell it? If I want to set my thermostat wherever I want it, and take a shower for as long and hot as I want it, or run my dishwasher after every meal... or pay more than my neighbor for the same amount of light... what business is that of anyone else?

So the manufacturers — duh — said to themselves, “let’s see... we either have to spend more than the cost of the fixture to fill it with CFLs, or, we could just start putting in candelabra based bulbs and it would be no biggie.”

Hmmm, which to choose? Which to choose, indeed?

This piece of legislation goes on to say that fixtures can’t use more than 190 watts total. Stupid. That’s it.

This is not a real energy policy. A real energy policy is “get out of the way and let the market take care of itself!” When there’s a real, actual shortage of oil, prices will go up and to the point that alternative energy technologies will be developed by the free market. Anything that needs a government subsidy to get off the ground is not worth the money. Meanwhile, there is no oil shortage — the oil is there if we could just get down to business and drill for it.

Reducing our consumption will not fix it. Finding more supply ... will. And there are vast reserves being held hostage by noisy, small groups of people with agendas of their own... The use of oil for energy — I’m all for it. The use of foreign oil? Not so much. And remember that oil prices have gone up... but so have copper and gold prices. They aren’t rare. They aren’t scarce. The dollar has gone down in value... making the price of virtually everything — stated in dollars — go up.

Oh... and when you consider how much pollution is spewed from volcanoes, you realize that the Earth always finds it way to strike a balance. The “man-made greenhouse gas emissions” are not warming the earth. That’s not to say it’s not warming, but I assure you, it will cool down again, assuming that cycle hasn’t already started.

Remember, twenty years ago, the same class of alarmists told us the next ice age was coming.

---

You get some real perspective on the “leaders” pushing us in these directions when you consider that Al Gore’s residential electric bills at his house average $2,500 per month. Whether he unplugs his phone chargers, I can’t say, but I don’t need preaching on alcohol from a wino, and I don’t need preaching about energy from such a blatant hypocrite. Given “consumption” like this, you have to ask what his real motives are in pushing the rest of us to limit our consumption.

It’s sort of like mandating the use of “bio-fuels.” Fewer miles per gallon, and a worldwide shortage of corn that has increased the price of tortillas for extremely poor families in Mexico — not exactly a “we care” policy. (And lest anyone think there is any sarcasm in this paragraph, I assure you there is not.)

---

Trivia Fact: The proper term for a “light bulb” is a “lamp.” The glass part of a “lamp” is called the “bulb.” The table-top or floor-standing object we call a “lamp” is more properly called a “luminaire.” But old habits die hard, or, in this case, just keep on living.

Language is fun.

And for some reason, I feel some of my groove coming back.

The Laws of Computer Programming

When I was a kid... don't remember exactly how old, probably around 16, I got my first computer, the Apple ][+ (isn’t that cute, the way they make the II out of those brackets?) and I was forever hooked on these magic machines that will do whatever you say, as long as you know how to say it. (My second computer was an Apple //e — more cleverness on the part of Apple, using the cute little slashes.)

Somebody – probably my maternal grandmother – got me a computer-themed coffee cup. Yeah, I didn’t drink coffee at the time (“kids don’t drink coffee”) but I’m sure she thought I would find it amusing. Naturally, I did find it quite amusing... although at the time, I didn’t have enough computer experience to know just how unbelievably true all of these things are.

Despite the fact that I have moved from one house to another 16 times (yeah, I just now counted) this cup has suddenly surfaced. Its thoughts are still just as amusing today as they were when the cup was made... which according to the label was 1982 — quite literally, the horse and buggy days of personal computers.

The Laws of Computer Programming:

• Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
• If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
• If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
• Any program will expand to fill available memory.
• The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
• Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer to maintain it.
• Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you will find out that programmers cannot write in English.
• “Weinberg’s Law” — If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
• “Hare’s Law of Large Programs” — Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.
• “Troutman’s Programming Law #1” — If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will malfunction.
• “Troutman’s Programming Law #2” — Not until a program has been in production for at least six months will the most harmful error be discovered.
• “Troutman’s Programming Law #3” — Job Control Cards (punch cards! ...think CDs, backup tapes, installation disks, etc.) that cannot be arranged in an improper order ... will be.
• “Troutman’s Programming Law #4” — Interchangeable tapes ... won’t.
• “Troutman’s Programming Law #5” — If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an ingenious idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it.
• “Troutman’s Programming Law #6” — Machines work, people should think.
• “Golub’s Law of Computerdom #1” — A carelessly-planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully-planned project will take only twice as long.
• “Golub’s Law of Computerdom #2” — The effort required to correct the error increases geometrically with time.
• If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee – that will do them in.

— 2008-08-30 10:30 ETA:

This is ironic. As I look back at the last couple of weeks (and really, some period of time before that) I’ve been in a funk. I knew it at the time, but didn’t know what caused it. I’ve discovered the cause:

Nothing.

No, seriously. What I mean by that is that I wasn’t stressed, depressed, or otherwise obsessed with any particular thing, person, or event. I do think I had been pushing myself too hard, spending too many hours awake — at the computer, playing; at the computer, working; talking on the phone; moving into my new house — I was giving 99.467% of me to everybody else and the 0.533% remaining wasn’t worth having. :)

But what started me on this little ETA was the fact that on the day before I wrote this post, my computer rolled over and died. Most people I know, both at work and in my personal life, consider me their “resident expert” on all things computer-related, despite my set-in-something-that-looks-like-stone policy, stated at the top of the screen: “No, I will not fix your computer.”

I was watching TV on my media center, and importing video of Jenny from my camcorder... two activities I’ve done many times before, without any problems. On that particular day, I was minding my own business when Media Center locked up. Frozen. And there was no escaping to “task manager” or anything of the sort. This computer is under a year old. Pretty much like a car, when you reformat and reinstall Windows [rebuild the engine] the age of your computer starts back at 0.

The hard drive light was lit up solid, but I wasn’t hearing any activity.

Reboot:

“No bootable devices found.”

Come again?

I tried every tool in my toolbox, only to figure out that my hard drive (age uncertain, probably 2-4 years) was utter toast, and there was no recovering it. It wasn’t the contents... it was the actual drive itself. DOA. The specific technical terms for what was wrong:

The hard drive’s controller was recognized by the bios, but the hard drive’s mechanical parts were making sounds officially described as “schwink... thrrrrrr... schwink... thrrrrrr...” ad infinitum.

I had another drive, still shrink-wrapped (doesn’t everbody?!), and I was able to reinstall Windows to the new drive, and recover all 50 gigabytes (!) of my personal data from my backups. (Note to you: you absolutely, positively, need to back up your files, to an off-site location. When your files are gone, they are gone.)

Here’s my point in writing this ETA:

The original post was written the day after the crash and beginning of the drawn-out process of reinstalling all of my software (you should never, ever, ever try to restore your software from backups — always reinstall from the original media) and recovering my personal data, yet for some reason, especially in this context, it doesn’t appear that I actually mentioned that fact. Wierd.

Willpower and Weight Loss (Part 3)

Well... here we go again.

In a Fox News article, Former Half-Ton Man Still Has Weakness For Cigarettes, Chips, we find a tragic example of the cluelessness of the medical establishment and the American public at large. This is the guy who had to be cut out of his bedroom to be taken for medical attention.

Times are tough for the Nebraska man who once weighed more than 1,000 pounds, but Patrick Deuel says he’s trying to keep a positive outlook.

Really? Poor guy. (Do you hear the tiny violin music?) As you learn from Dr. Laura Schlessinger, you don’t get self-esteem first and then behave differently – you behave differently, and then get self-esteem... so a positive outlook is exactly what he does not need. He need a negative outlook. He needs to know that he’s killing himself and absolutely must change if he wants to avoid it.

“Oh, I’m still breathing,” the 46-year-old Deuel sighed before suddenly letting out a hearty laugh.

Yeah, this is really something to laugh about, huh? Huh. Maybe, but for how long? I don’t think he mentally accepts the gravity of his situation.

Deuel weighed 1,072 pounds in 2004, and in order for him to have lifesaving gastric bypass surgery, a bedroom wall had to be cut out so he could be extracted from his home in Valentine.

I honestly don’t know how a person can allow themselves to get this way. What was he thinking when he hit 300? 400? 500? What was he thinking when he couldn’t find a household scale to weigh himself any more?

For my money, I suspect depression. I don’t see how an energetic and vivacious person could get that way. A sedentary, depressed person, who works in the food industry? Yeah. If it’s depression, I do empathize. He should be treated. And, many medications for depression make it difficult or impossible to lose weight – even if you correct your food choices – by (this is my theory, based on extensive research) antagonizing the Beta-3 receptors responsible for the release of fat from your fat cells when your body needs to burn fat for energy. (In medical parlance, antagonizing receptors means blocking the normal chemicals from activating the receptor, while not activating it in the process.)

Oh, but it gets so much better. You know I’m already down on all the gastric surgeries... after all, what do they accomplish? They make you eat less. That’s it. I know eating less is not easy. I know exercise is not fun. Most importantly, I know that neither of these things, alone, is going to help you lose any weight.

After getting down to 370 pounds in late 2006, he was up to 540 in May, the last time he stepped on a scale.

Lifesaving gastric bypass? More like life-lending – he will pay. And what about now, that he’s gaining it all back? He can’t exactly have another one. It must be something else, huh?

“As far as being able to go out and do the things he wants to do, he’s been able to do that,” said his wife, Edie. “That’s so much better than a number on a scale.”

Um... okie dokie! That’s pretty weak in my own humble opinion. The number on the scale tells you more about your general state of health than whether you can do the things you want to do.

Let’s be generous and assume this fellow is somewhere between 6’ 0” and 6’ 6” — a Body Mass Index of somewhere between 62 and 73. Morbidly obese is anything over 40. And you note, he hasn’t even been on a scale in 3 months.

Though Patrick Deuel has put on about 100 pounds in the past year and remains morbidly obese, his health is generally good, said his surgeon, Dr. Fred Harris of Sioux Falls, S.D. If a patient loses 50 percent of his or her excess weight after surgery, it is considered a success, he said.

Sorry? I’m glad the doc considers it a success... but that’s a pretty low standard, considering that he’s gained a significant portion of it back.

I don’t know this fellow, but would love to talk to him, and teach him, that he can control his appetite – notice I said “appetite” – not his “eating.” And there’s no so-called “willpower” involved.

“Patrick’s still ambulatory. He can still drive a car,” Harris said. “Last I heard, he can still ride a bike, as opposed to being a week or 10 days from dying.”

Yeah, now probably what -- 14 days out?

Deuel acknowledges willpower is not his forte. To the chagrin of his wife and Harris, he still smokes a pack and a half of cigarettes a day. He also has a weakness for chips and salsa.

[emphasis added by me – A.P.]

AHA! Here we are with willpower, again.

Nope. I say that’s not it.

It’s his appetite -- he has an intense craving for carbs, and cigarettes... and in my mind, the craving is the same.

“I notice that stress eating is something I do well,” he said.

They really do call it comfort food for a reason.

Deuel is unemployed. He said he’s been going through vocational rehabilitation to determine the type of work that would best suit him. The former restaurant manager said he definitely won’t work in food service again. There’s too much temptation, he said.

Yep.

The couple’s only income is Patrick Deuel’s monthly Social Security check of less than $600.

Running errands, cleaning house and helping his wife find a job occupies much of his time, he said. As for his diet, he said: “Whatever’s in the refrigerator is what gets put in the tank.”

Yep, again. Of course, that prompts the question, “why are there things you should not eat ... in your refrigerator?” (And why does his wife not have some kind of gainful employment?)

Deuel said humor is his best coping device.

“It’s either curl up in the corner and cry or keep it light and try to get through it,” he said. “I could be pretty upset pretty easily, but why should I be?”

Yes, the classic laughing, smoking, fat guy. You know them, and I know them.

Um... maybe he should be upset – because he’s morbidly obese and unemployed, maybe? Maybe some distress would make him realize what’s going on and that he really is in control – but again, it’s not “how much” he eats. It’s “what” he eats.

Do I seem hostile? I don’t mean to be. I’m actually sympathetic for the guy, assuming that he doesn’t have the information he needs to make a positive change. I’m just frustrated that no doctor has the sense to tell him, “Dude. You’re an addict! And just like any other addiction, the more you use, the more you crave! You have to abstain, if you want to live!”

I’m sick of reading people talking smack against controlled carb as a way of life that will normalize your weight. I’m sick of hearing how it’s bad for you, not nutritionally balanced, is no different than counting calories, blah, blah blah!

The magic of controlling carbs is two-fold:

• Your appetite for carbs will go down. It’s not willpower — it’s appetite that causes your problems.
  
  
• Burning fat is less efficient than burning blood sugar. Why does this help? Because the theory that “a calorie is a calorie” is a crock. Fat-burning is meant for survival. Presumably that’s the reason that when fat is broken down for energy, a lot of that energy is converted into waste products – “ketones” – which are flushed out by your kidneys and down the drain. Gone. Not used. Before you ask, “oh but what about the poor guy’s kidneys?!” remember – duh – that’s the same thing that happens after the bypass. Duh! DUH!!!
  

How hard is it? (Remember, I speak from experience.)

As Alex Trebek would say, “the answer there is...” It’s not hard. You just have to have the right information. Once you have the information, you have to believe it. Once you believe it, you can hardly control your desire to put it in to practice.

— 2008-08-31 10:45: minor content tweaks for clarity.

Amazon Kindle Kindles Ardency in Ardency

kin·dle [kin-dl]

–verb (used with object)
1. to start (a fire); cause (a flame, blaze, etc.) to begin burning
2. to set fire to or ignite
3. to excite; stir up or set going; animate; rouse; inflame
4. to light up, illuminate, or make bright
–verb (used without object)
5. to begin to burn, as combustible matter, a light, fire, or flame
6. to become aroused or animated
7. to become lighted up, bright, or glowing

— Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary,
© Random House, Inc. 2006.

Oh, wow... this is trés cool, as Marie used to say.

I recently bought a Kindle, “Amazon’s New Wireless Reading Device.”

An electronic book reader.

Previously, I always thought this kind of technology was little more than a “solution looking for a problem.” Books don’t lock up, don’t need batteries, and are immensely portable... so who needs an electronic book?

Well, I’ve changed my mind. I am duly impressed.

Amazon has made this device truly “user-proof.” There’s no username, no password, no sign-on, because it’s bonded by its serial number to your amazon account automatically when you buy it, and your Amazon “one-click” settings allow you to buy books directly from the Amazon web site (which you can access wireless via the Kindle), pain-free. Or, if you’re not sure, you can pick up a free sample to get you interested – either way, poof, it’s downloaded over the Sprint PCS wireless Internet connection, free.

Did your alarm bells just go off? Wireless? Somebody’s got to pay for that, right? Right. But it’s not you. Even though you have wireless access to Amazon’s web site, to simple text-based web sites (such as the brilliant and lucid Ardency Personified site), and can download the books for free, there is no monthly fee for the Kindle. Amazon pays the bill to Sprint for use of their wireless network by the device. Cost-free, and configuration-free. Crazy.

The screen is extremely crisp, and has six character sizes, so I can read lot of stuff on a page using smaller type if I have my contact lenses in, or I can make it big and readable if I’m laying in bed without my corrective lenses. The formatting of the books stays intact, no matter how you tweak the type size.

The display is not an LCD screen like on a computer or cell phone. They call it “electronic paper” – it’s passive – it does not use any battery power except when the screen content changes. The image is static, so the battery lasts a long time. There’s also no eyestrain like there is from staring at a computer screen. Bottom line: anywhere you can read a book, you can read a Kindle ... even in direct sunlight. Try that with your laptop... doesn’t work.

On an airplane, you’ll have to settle for reading the safety card or reading “Skymall” until you climb to 10,000 feet, since it’s an electronic device, after all. But, there’s a handy switch on the back to disable the wireless access, so you can show the flight attendant that you’re all legal, and not using a cellular device. You’ll be leaving that switch off most of the time anyway, because it means the difference between hours of battery life, and days of battery life. (Yes, days.)

You can back the books up to your PC, or, re-download them for free any time from Amazon once you’ve paid for them. Better still, the "Kindle Edition" of most books is $10 or less.

If you have a document (Microsoft Word, PDF, html) that you want to read on the road, you can either e-mail it to username@kindle.com and it will be sent wirelessly to your Kindle for 10 cents per document, or, you can e-mail it to username@free.kindle.com – they will kick you back an e-mail attachment containing your document in the Kindle format, which you can copy over to the Kindle using the USB cable or on an SD card. No charges involved.

It comes with a little leather binder, makes it look like a small book. At 10 ounces, it’s actually lighter than a hardback book, and some thicker paperbacks, so here’s hoping it makes for a good read in bad without wearing out your arm. So far, so good.

It’s also an MP3 player, although that’s sort of a bleeding edge feature – for now, it only plays in shuffle mode, so you can listen to background music while you read. But, it can play audiobooks, too. I think the audiobooks were in the overall plan all along, and the music capability was added as a little piece of niftyness.

The only annoyance, which I got over as soon as I understood what it was, is that the whole screen flashes to black before displaying the next page. It turns out this is part of the refresh process necessary for the electronic paper. This is how the electronic paper is able to show a continuous display without any battery power – the standing image has to actually be erased (hence the flash of black) before the next screen is displayed.

If you like to read, you will love the Kindle.

Body Mass Index Chart – Live it, Love it, Learn it

For a while, now, I’ve been promising to post an easy-to-use Body Mass Index (BMI) chart to make it easy to work out where you currently stand, and what weight you should target for optimum health.

Your wait is over!

— 2008-09-24 06:00 Update: Extended height ranges and some rewrite.

Important: Be sure you read the chart correctly, or you may make an assumption that the chart is giving you a wildly-incorrect answer.

• Find your height at the left.
  The only numbers of interest to you on the entire chart will be the numbers on this row of the table. These numbers represent your BMI at each weight shown at the bottom.
  
• Find your current weight at the bottom.
  
• The point where your weight (column) and height (row) intersect is your current BMI. The color of this square indicates where you stand regarding interpretation of the table.

The green zone on the same horizontal line as your height represents the target weight range (reading directly down to the weight shown at the bottom of that column — not tracing the colors down). If you’re not in the green zone, go for it and git ’er done! Pick a target in the green zone and launch. Your health depends on it. And, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, “Willpower and Weight Loss” Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3, you do not have to give up being satisfied and full at every meal. It’s not about eating less... it’s about eating better. And that does not mean muffins, alfalta sprouts, and tasteless little dinky salads.

If you’re shorter or taller than the chart shows, give me a shout and I’ll expand the ranges.

This chart uses the standard BMI formula of ((weight * 703.0696) / (height * height)). Being a proper geek, obsessed with perfection in my efforts, I drew this chart myself, using a perl script, to illustrate what I wanted to show, as well as how I wanted to show it. If you find a calculation error, please call it to my attention.

Since Body Mass Index (also known as the Quetelet Index) is actually an expression of kilograms (of mass/weight) per square meter (of height), 703.0696 is a constant value used in the calculation when you have non-metric-system input information (inches and pounds, instead of meters and kilograms). If you calculate the value with meters and kilograms of the same person, you’ll get the same result.

6’0”	10.8	12.2	13.6	14.9	16.3	17.6	19.0	20.3	21.7	23.1	24.4	25.8	27.1	28.5	29.8	31.2	32.5	33.9	35.3	36.6	38.0	39.3	40.7
5’11”	11.2	12.6	13.9	15.3	16.7	18.1	19.5	20.9	22.3	23.7	25.1	26.5	27.9	29.3	30.7	32.1	33.5	34.9	36.3	37.7	39.1	40.4	41.8
5’10”	11.5	12.9	14.3	15.8	17.2	18.7	20.1	21.5	23.0	24.4	25.8	27.3	28.7	30.1	31.6	33.0	34.4	35.9	37.3	38.7	40.2	41.6	43.0
5’9”	11.8	13.3	14.8	16.2	17.7	19.2	20.7	22.2	23.6	25.1	26.6	28.1	29.5	31.0	32.5	34.0	35.4	36.9	38.4	39.9	41.3	42.8	44.3
5’8”	12.2	13.7	15.2	16.7	18.2	19.8	21.3	22.8	24.3	25.8	27.4	28.9	30.4	31.9	33.5	35.0	36.5	38.0	39.5	41.1	42.6	44.1	45.6
5’7”	12.5	14.1	15.7	17.2	18.8	20.4	21.9	23.5	25.1	26.6	28.2	29.8	31.3	32.9	34.5	36.0	37.6	39.2	40.7	42.3	43.9	45.4	47.0
5’6”	12.9	14.5	16.1	17.8	19.4	21.0	22.6	24.2	25.8	27.4	29.1	30.7	32.3	33.9	35.5	37.1	38.7	40.4	42.0	43.6	45.2	46.8	48.4
5’5”	13.3	15.0	16.6	18.3	20.0	21.6	23.3	25.0	26.6	28.3	30.0	31.6	33.3	34.9	36.6	38.3	39.9	41.6	43.3	44.9	46.6	48.3	49.9
5’4”	13.7	15.4	17.2	18.9	20.6	22.3	24.0	25.7	27.5	29.2	30.9	32.6	34.3	36.0	37.8	39.5	41.2	42.9	44.6	46.3	48.1	49.8	51.5
5’3”	14.2	15.9	17.7	19.5	21.3	23.0	24.8	26.6	28.3	30.1	31.9	33.7	35.4	37.2	39.0	40.7	42.5	44.3	46.1	47.8	49.6	51.4	53.1
5’2”	14.6	16.5	18.3	20.1	21.9	23.8	25.6	27.4	29.3	31.1	32.9	34.8	36.6	38.4	40.2	42.1	43.9	45.7	47.6	49.4	51.2	53.0	54.9
5’1”	15.1	17.0	18.9	20.8	22.7	24.6	26.5	28.3	30.2	32.1	34.0	35.9	37.8	39.7	41.6	43.5	45.3	47.2	49.1	51.0	52.9	54.8	56.7
5’0”	15.6	17.6	19.5	21.5	23.4	25.4	27.3	29.3	31.2	33.2	35.2	37.1	39.1	41.0	43.0	44.9	46.9	48.8	50.8	52.7	54.7	56.6	58.6
4’11”	16.2	18.2	20.2	22.2	24.2	26.3	28.3	30.3	32.3	34.3	36.4	38.4	40.4	42.4	44.4	46.5	48.5	50.5	52.5	54.5	56.6	58.6	60.6
4’10”	16.7	18.8	20.9	23.0	25.1	27.2	29.3	31.3	33.4	35.5	37.6	39.7	41.8	43.9	46.0	48.1	50.2	52.2	54.3	56.4	58.5	60.6	62.7
4’9”	17.3	19.5	21.6	23.8	26.0	28.1	30.3	32.5	34.6	36.8	39.0	41.1	43.3	45.4	47.6	49.8	51.9	54.1	56.3	58.4	60.6	62.8	64.9
4’8”	17.9	20.2	22.4	24.7	26.9	29.1	31.4	33.6	35.9	38.1	40.4	42.6	44.8	47.1	49.3	51.6	53.8	56.0	58.3	60.5	62.8	65.0	67.3
4’7”	18.6	20.9	23.2	25.6	27.9	30.2	32.5	34.9	37.2	39.5	41.8	44.2	46.5	48.8	51.1	53.5	55.8	58.1	60.4	62.8	65.1	67.4	69.7
4’6”	19.3	21.7	24.1	26.5	28.9	31.3	33.8	36.2	38.6	41.0	43.4	45.8	48.2	50.6	53.0	55.5	57.9	60.3	62.7	65.1	67.5	69.9	72.3
HT/WT	80	90	100	110	120	130	140	150	160	170	180	190	200	210	220	230	240	250	260	270	280	290	300

Body Mass Index Ranges
Starvation/Anorexia	BMI under 17.5
Underweight	BMI 17.5 to 18.5
Ideal	BMI 18.5 to 25
Overweight	BMI 25 to 30
Obese	BMI 30 to 40
Morbidly Obese	BMI Over 40

Now that you’ve seen the chart, if you are an “average American,” you may not like what it has to say. The problem is, these numbers really are meaningful. Am I trying to suggest that a BMI of 24.9 is “live” and a BMI of 25.1 is “die?” Not at all. But consider where you are, and consider where the chart says you should be. Plan your work, and work your plan. You can get there, but you first have to accept the numbers.

Be forewarned: your friends or family may not be supportive of your efforts to improve yourself... they may be jealous of your success, they may want you to stay just where you are so they don’t feel threatened by your success, or they may feel like they have to get off of their own booties and slim down themselves like you’re doing — and resist. I’ve been there, and I’m not going back, and I would encourage you to dismiss these objections out-of-hand. In fact, you may want to consider not even mentioning your weight loss efforts – I guarantee from personal that people will notice, and they will ask! Talk about a good feeling.

Watch out for these objections people may throw at your to discourage you from approacing your target weight, or even prevent you from trying:

“Don’t worry about those charts — they’re just guidelines.”

Yes, they are “just” guidelines. A comforting thought. They’re guidelines for classifying people to a reality check for all of us – me included. Our society is increasingly overweight, and our images of ourselves are adapting to allow bigger and bigger to be “just fine.” If the guidelines were based on “average” sizes, they would certainly be more generous. Fortunately for us, they are not.

“Muscle weighs more than fat.”

Yes, it does, but this isn’t really a concern for us Regular Joe (and Jill) Sixpack ... and when you become a professional athlete or bodybuilder, the BMI index may indicate that you weigh more than you should. Prior to that, this is not a concern.

“You could never get that small.”

Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it – and by that, I do not mean tried it the wrong way, by “eating less” or eating “low fat” or “lite” products – none of which will help, and most of which will make you miserable (not to mention increasing your cravings for more of the same). You really can get “that small” and you will love it when you get there. First, though, you’ve got to forget every failed attempt at dieting that you’ve ever made before. What will amaze you is how much extra fat you are carrying around.

“You have a big frame.”

Get into your ideal range and then tell me about your frame size and how you feel. Of the 40 pounds I’ve lost so far (which still leaves me in the “overweight” range), I would have thought I would be smaller. Forty seems like a very large number. And, granted, I am significantly smaller than I was, and although the “beer gut” (more like a “donut gut” in my case) has shrunken considerably, it’s still somewhat noticeable, especially in photos. Being in the ideal range on the chart will not likely make you as tiny as you fear that it might. Seriously – fear not.

“Calculating BMI doesn’t take water weight, fat composition, etc., into account.”

All very true. Other options are hydrostatic weighting (where you’re weighed on a scale while you’re submersed in water, to calculate your true density (by volume, fat is lighter than muscle, so the more fat, the more you float, and the less you will appear to weigh on a scale while you’re underwater), or with a skin fold caliper test. This is very cool, and very revealing, and probably available at your local gym – that’s where I got mine done, about 25 pounds ago – I need to do it again. The chances are high that you will not get a different result... in the mean time, the chart provides a target you can aspire to!

“All you need to do is eat a ‘balanced diet’ and exercise.”

Yes, but no. If, by “balanced diet,” you mean the food pyramid, you’ll be doing it wrong. The food pyramid is based on a typical diet – not optimum diet. A truly balanced diet is not heavy on protein, heavy on carbs, and low on fat. Eating like that is a recipe for cravings and obesity if your metabolism is one that encourages abdominal fat buildup. Exercise – sure, it’s good for you – will not, by itself, be enough. It doesn’t take much extra food to more-than-cancel-out the amount of calories you expend during exercise; however, what exercise does for you — more than burning off some of your fat – needed for energy if you don’t have too much glucose swirling around in your system – as well as to increase your resting metabolism. Do get off your couch and exercise – but don’t overdo it, don’t push yourself, and don’t think you can fix your weight by exercise without fixing your diet: just like restricting quantity rather than quality of food won’t provide lasting weight loss, exercise will disappoint it you expect it to do miracles alone.

My absolute best wishes to you in accepting reality and planning for the future. Look better, feel better, live longer, eat luxuriously... it’s really quite a bargain. One more time: If you don’t feel great while following my suggestions, you’re doing it wrong. Ask me and I’ll be happy to help.

Incidentally, Blogspot/Blogger was munging up my table formatting... It was a battle of wits between a human and a computer. The human was ultimately, apparently victorious. From here, it finally looks right on a Firefox – get it now for free if you don’t have it, as well as Internet Exploder 6.0 (I haven’t installed 7.0 *shudder* yet on my XP machine). Let me know if this table doesn’t look right on your screen.

Cleverness or Tradition?

I was listening to my old buddies at the News-Talk 740 KRMG Morning News with Joe Kelley (out of Tulsa) a few days ago when something struck me. I can’t quite reconstruct how the thought occurred, but as is usually the case with me, I got from there to here... somehow.

And such will be the same for you: I will get to the point of this blog post... somehow.

What triggered this mini-epiphany was a Paul Harvey commercial for Walgreens. (I feel a distinct rant coming on about Paul Harvey – and especially his goober son, Paul Harvey, Jr., who is not his dad, never was his dad, can never be his dad... and has absolutely no business being on the radio... but I promise to save that until next time.)

As I remember it, he said Walgreens had been in business for something like 108 years. That flashed me back to memories of some “old-timey” downtown drugstores. Some of these, I remember from being there as a child, teenager, those several years after being a teenager whatever that was, and now as an adult... and there were others, of course, that I’ve seen in pictures.

Let me ask you:

In a traditional “drugstore,” as well as at Walgreens, other than prescription medications, what do they sell?

My take: it’s generally cheap junk at inflated prices.

I do business with a local pharmacy (not a chain). I started doing business there when I had unlimited prescription benefits, wanting to do business with someone downtown, and as a perk, they offered free home delivery. Unfortunately, they only deliver before 5 pm, and I didn’t want to leave my meds outside my house.

I don’t have unlimited benefits any more. My employer, in an effort to cut health care expenses, has reduced everyone’s annual drug benefit to $2,400. That sounds like a lot, but it’s only about half of my annual prescription cost.

Aside: I don’t complain about the price of medications or the eeeeevil pharmaceutical industry, and I’m not going to start now. They developed the meds that I need, and I can either pay the price they ask, or go do the research and invent the drugs myself. Strangely, I don’t have the resources to do this, but they do... so I pay their prices without grumbling about some kind of nutty notion that they are out of control. Nonsense. Similarly, I don’t blame “corporate greed” as having anything to do with my employer’s decision to change the benefit structure — there’s nothing to complain about. Economic circumstances change, and it’s entirely up to them to do as they wish with my compensation. Health and drug insurance are indeed compensation — a privilege, not a right. If I don’t like what they pay me for the work they need me to do, that isn’t their problem.

To my employer’s credit, they implemented a Flexible Spending Account (FSA) program, of which I am a happy participant. The FSA allows me to deduct money from my paycheck, before taxes, which goes into a special account that I can only use for medical expenses... doctor, dentist, prescriptions, and even over-the-counter medicine. Crazy, but cool. A nice twist to the plan is that since you have to decide how much to deduct from each check over the entire year, so you can actually claim reimbursements against money you haven’t even deposited yet. Spiffy. And, I’m paying medical expenses tax-free, without having to document and itemize them on my taxes. (Yes, this is legal.)

Depending on your entitlement mentality or lack thereof, you may object: “wait – now you have to spend your money!” Guess what – the increased premiums they would have had to pay, the premiums that they still pay, the medical insurance they still buy, the life insurance, the dental and vision insurance they still provide, “their half” of the Social Security tax — all of that is my money, too. If my employer didn’t have to fork over those funds to someone, they could pay me more... after all, 100% of my paycheck plus 100% of those ancillary benefits are all money spent that is just as real to my employer, and they wouldn’t have to pay any of it if they didn’t have me working for them.

But with the economics of my prescription benefits changed, I decided I needed to price-shop (since, after all, I’m spending “my” money now, ha ha ha. Not really any different than before, but that is, of course, what it feels like).

Checking “my neighborhood” Wal-Mart and Walgreens, I was shocked and amazed that the local guys are not only cheaper – and I have absolutely no idea how this can be – they have a price match deal against any other pharmacy in the city. Sweet. Ironically, I’ve never had to invoke it — they’re always less expensive.

But back to the drugstore (and back on topic, maybe?) something I’ve always noticed is that they have all kinds of crazy stuff in there, including a lot of specialty snacks, jelly, hot sauce, root beer... it’s really a limitless list of... uh... well... how to say it nicely... it’s “crap.”

I always asked myself, “who buys this crap?” But the answer has become more readily apparent as I find myself waiting in line at the cash register, curious about how these products might taste. Their efforts to take even more of my money are almost successful.

Thinking of the layout of Walgreens (prompted by the Paul Harvey ad, as you might remember from the beginning of this post)... and, along the lines of the fact that they had been in business for a long, long time... and then my local pharmacy... and then virtually every local pharmacy I remember as a kid (they all seemed really ancient places), it seems they all have similar things that nobody needs (not to mention the ironic cigarettes, cigars, pipes, and tobacco).

Based on this, I have a question for you:

Where is the actual pharmacy typically located in the typical drugstore?

It’s in the back.

You think about it. I’m right.

Why is this?

It would seem more convenient if it were at the front. After all, that’s what I’m there to do – pick up my prescriptions.

Did your light bulb just kick on?

I talked to my friendly neighborhood pharmacy tech. I call her “the workhorse” because it seems like she’s always there, always friendly, and always helpful. Good customer service. I asked her the same question.

“Well,” she said, “I never really thought about it... it could be because some medications need to be kept away from the sunlight and heat that they might be exposed to if they were near the front.”

Wow... that was almost convincing. I can at least tell she has a scientific mind, and must have been paying attention at pharmacy tech school. No wonder I like her.

“Any other thoughts?” I asked.

“It also would make it harder for someone to just walk in and take some of the drugs that might be particularly appealing to thieves.”

Another good one. Still, it’s not the one I had in mind.

“Also, though,” she said after a moment, appearing to notice that I wasn’t satisfied with those theories, “you have to walk past all of this ... stuff ... to get back here.”

Bingo!

You have to walk past all of that unusual crap-for-sale to get to the pharmacy and back to the front door. Naturally, they don’t take your money at the pharmacy counter... they want you to take a stroll past all of that other merchandise, get your pills, and then stroll back past it just one more time. More money spent at the drug store.

In a town where I once lived, before the popularity of “Visa debit cards,” back in the day when you could still write something called a “check” (as historians now refer to them) at local merchants, some gas stations began offering the original version of “pay at the pump” — they built a kiosk outside, in the middle of all the gas pumps, where you could pay for your gas without the hassle of going into the convenience store. That idea must have come from a guy with a marketing degree or something... because it didn’t take them too long to realize — duh — that it would kill their junk food revenues from inside the convenience store. It wasn’t long before they tore down the kiosks, paved over the spots where they once stood, and you had to pay inside again.

Time changes all, and now, at least where I live, you have to pay at the pump, or at least go inside with your cash before they will start the pump for you. I wonder why this could be... perhaps the difference between $16.00 to fill up your car and $64.00 to fill up your car has some kind of impact on the number of drive-offs. Thank you to the liberals, environmentalist wackos, communists, socialists, and warmed-over hippies (wait... those labels all pretty much apply to the same noisy minority) who have prevented the oil companies from tapping vast quantities of our natural resources.

Yes, it’s not lost on me that at Walgreens, you can pay at the pharmacy. But you still have to walk past the crap.

It’s food for thought: accident, or on purpose? Tradition, or cleverness?

The only things I know for sure:

• It’s not George Bush’s fault
  
  
• It’s not Dick Cheney’s fault
  
  
• It wasn’t Karl Rove’s idea (and I will back him up on that).
  
  
• Ronnie Earle is planning to indict Tom DeLay for it.
  
  
• It is not related to the “New World Order”
  
  
• The Trilateral Commission was probably not even consulted.
  
  
• The international bankers were not involved.
  
  
• Tim LaHaye has never mentioned it. (He’s an idiot, anyway.)
  
  
• Prescription drug jokes involving Rush Limbaugh are not funny, so don’t even think about me making one here.
  
  
• If B. Hussein Obama hears about it, he will proclaim it a “crisis,” but just like everything else he panders about, he won’t actually do anything “helpful” except possibly raise taxes.
  
  
• I prefer John McCain to Obama, primarily because he will do less harm to the nation, since there’s zero chance that either of them will improve anything.
  
  
• I’m virtually certain John McCain wears women’s underwear and can do the splits without any trouble, because there’s nothing in the way “down there.”
  
  
• The ½-Hour News Hour was a fantastic show, and its cancellation was a tragic loss.
  
  
• Cleverness or tradition — or some of each — who cares?! It just crossed my mind.