It Happens Every Time

It’s truly amazing… there are many Oklahoma State University Cowboys Football fans who believe the world revolves around OSU… and strangely enough, I’ve got evidence to prove that they’re right.

Whence cometh this magnificent insight?

Homecoming.

Once upon a time, in the days B.C., (before child), I was an active volunteer with the City of Stillwater’s Emergency Operations Center. One of the action-packed duties we reveled in was the manning of traffic control barricades and coordination of logistics for the homecoming parade. (Actually a lot more work than it seems, but I digress.)

It seemed like every year, it was cold and dry or cold and drizzly and miserable the morning of the parade… and we started early. We’re generally talking about the type of weather against which long johns and coats and coffee are no defense. The operative phrase here, is “football weather.”

The following year, as we were planning the parade, I often thought to myself, “self,” I thought, “it was really really miserably cold weather last year… I remember it… but it’s really quite nice right now, so I can’t imagine it being like last year again.”

And then the weather would change.

Every single stinkin’ year, it was cold at homecoming.

Hence, the even the weather adjusts itself for Oklahoma State.

So almost as a joke (but not quite), I always tell people (any time the time-tested practice of “talking about the weather” comes up) that it will be cold on the day of the homecoming parade.

So far, this has served only one purpose – to make me seem like I have a clever insight into what the weather is going to do. And so far, it has served me well! It’s never let me down. It’s always cold at Oklahoma State homecoming.

Your question for me, right now, may be this: “What is your point? It is autumn, after all!”

My impatient response to you: “Yes, I am aware of this, but the point is that no matter when in the season homecoming it, it seems to mark the boundary of chilly weather!” And, importantly, just days before, it seems like it could not possibly be like last year, this year.

So the important question (Please note: By using the word “important,” I actually mean “not important.”) is this: Will this trend continue? I have some possible answers:

a. No.
b. Yes.
c. Maybe.
d. Whatever happens, it’s because we elected Obama (conservative – i.e., “correct” viewpoint)
e. Whatever happens, it’s because we didn’t elect Obama (liberal viewpoint).
f. Whatever happens, it’s Bush’s fault (nearly-universal viewpoint).
g. Whatever happens, I hope to get to vote Sarah Palin 2012.

As the school counselor would drone on and on every year when we took our “achievement tests” in High School – giving us the highly unnecessary and repetitious instructions on how to draw in the little bubbles (and I suspect my sister would back me up on this):

“A ‘baloo’ is a bear. You should have circled ‘B,’ because that is the correct answer.”

Mark These Words:

It will be cold at homecoming next hear, despite the fact that mere days or weeks before, we will think to ourselves, “selves,” we’ll think, “there doesn’t seem like there’s any possible way that the weather could turn cold in the few short days between now and homecoming.” We never learn.

If the weather is sunny and warm at homecoming, I suspect it’s because all the cold weather migrated off to a place that would require the devil wear ice skates and use tire chains.

Live it, love it, learn it: It’s always cold at homecoming.

Wow... here’s a thought-question that occurs to me... I’ve never been one for “hunting,” but I wonder if hunters think the same thing as hunting season approaches:

Bubba: “You know, Earl, it seems like it was really friggen cold when hunting season started last year. But it’s ‘real nice’ right now, so d’you reckon it might not be as cold this year?”

Earl: “Bubba, you know as well as I do, it always turns cold right before hunting season. And OSU homecoming. Go pokes.”

Jimbo: “Bubba, shut up. You ask that question every year. You know that, right? Earl, hand me another beer, and then you shut up, too. Also, Sarah Palin is a dream girl.”

Boomhauer: “I’m on’ dang-ol’ keep that ‘n talk weather, gonna cold yeah, mmm-hmmm, Sarah Palin, yeah, some thing ol’ McCain dang-ol’ panty wastin summa gonna takin vote stuff yeah.”

No humor was harmed in the writing of this post.

In the immortal words of “Edith Anne” – “And that’s the truth… thxbbffffft.”